Confessions of a Cold Mommy
Ok, confession time. I’ve been having great talks with Ginny @ www.1000HoursOutside.com about wearing warm wool underclothes, and all the amazing benefits of getting the kids outside for nice long hours of free play even if it’s cold. I’ve been championing this cause for a few decades, long before my now-grown boys were born.
But truthfully, it didn’t always go that smoothly at my house, this getting outside in the Michigan Winter thing. Sure, we picked our home on 10 wooded acres for its creek and nature. Sure, I was a biology major, and led college wilderness canoe trips. Sure, I read lots of picture books to our little fellows on fields & frogs & weather. But when they were little, I still struggled a lot with getting OUTside.
At first, I thought it was the sweaty strain of layering those wiggling preschoolers. Then I blamed their lack of stamina for outdoors-ness. Or their damp gloves. Or nap problems, snack problems, house-too-messy problems, it was always something! In our case, it wasn’t them. It was me. I think one of the dirty little secrets about why many of us don't take our kids out there, is that we often don't want to go outside ourselves!
Hear me out. Are you dressing yourself, as well as the kids, for the great outdoors? I was COLD. Unhappily, miserably, cold. The kids were dressed for the tundra, with the best of the woolens and the Lands End selections we could afford, but I was stepping outside in a coat chosen for looks more than warmth, any gloves I could pair up, whatever pants would fit (let’s not go there right now), hats that didn’t mash my hair, boots from the sale rack….Getting outside did NOT get easier until I decided for my kids’ sake to invest in outdoor clothing for myself, SO that I could take THEM outside. Once I was dressed warmly and properly nose-to-toes, the three-season wind, rain & snow so common in our Michigan weather began to feel more adventurous than assaultive. And it really does help to hang around some other parents who pride themselves on ‘airing the kiddos out’ too, because otherwise we’re vulnerable to relatives who mainly think we should safely return to the couch.
And by-the-way, this is NOT just dressing warm so you can stand around idly watching your kids, thinking of all the more urgent things you could be doing. (And then, later trying to fit in going to the gym.) Really? In no other time of humanity have parents had the luxury (foolishness?) of idly watching their kids be kids, day in and day out. This is NOT good for them either! Little ones DO need to be in the center of our lives, but in no way should they be the center of our lives! Children are most content when they are a part of a meaningful landscape.
Some of our most treasured family memories involve afternoons of steady endeavor; maybe me clearing a corner of the woods, planting, weeding, shoveling snow, raking leaves, pruning, whatever, while the boys came and went from my grown-up efforts. Children learn by being imitators, and they need worthy models. Three-year-olds want to ‘wash dishes.’ Four-year-olds want to ‘sweep the floor’ with us. Five-year-olds are eager to try out their muscles! And they need to! These archetypal movements & basic activities of life help to ground our children in their bodies & their days. No amount of watching these activities (ie. tv) even comes close in value. Children under the age of seven are learning much more through the imprint of experience than intellectual constructs.
In fact, second confession. We used Tom Sawyer’s old trick. “Maybe we’ll let you help…," resulting in children who were nearly always eager to participate & be helpful. Our little boys used to positively stagger up slopes with small logs, and then sometimes rolled them down so that they could happily carry them back up again. Dragging sticks into a pile, particularly if they were promised a bonfire later, would bring enthusiasm bordering on hysteria! Everyone needs to know that they are needed, that their contributions matter.
If your yard is too tidy, you’re going to have to go find some nature with a bit of normal chaos for them to muck about in. And be prepared for the kids to bring back some of nature's treasures, and be glad they do. They’ll use them for counting, arranging, digging, wacking, flying, imagining, pretend cooking, hauling, creating, and even singing to. There’s no ‘app’ that will provoke such thorough exploration! I’ve spent years driving around with bundles of sticks under the seats, piles of rocks outside our back door, shells hiding in corners of their rooms, and more. And it’s catching - I once wrestled a giant and crazy heavy stump from the side of the road into the back of my mini van, kids straining to see from their booster seats, because it felt like a charming fairy home for our flower garden. Many years later it's still being enjoyed!
I challenge you – find some warm clothes you can really use and not worry about, and then get out there with your kids, breath some fresh air and make some memories. Hint – These times will provide the base of trust & quiet connection that will carry you through teen years, more on that another time. You don’t have to “play with them” all afternoon, but you might enjoy some “work is play” too!