Don't Forget to Breathe
“Each stage of life gifts us with vastly different mindsets and perspectives. ”
My much younger self believed this, and even looked forward to it. But I am now old enough to taste how life’s extended seasons bring an entirely different understanding of time and space than ever imagined. I rather wish I could go back in time and counsel my very busy younger self! Life seemed impossibly distracting and demanding; even when early adulthood was brimming with the endless possibilities of the future, it’s dazzling nature was too.
Now though, as I’m traveling in my 60th decade, time’s horizon has a much different flavor. The time here is slower, and inexplicably there seems to be more space available between the molecules. The ability to breathe deep seems to be growing, and so is the willingness to catch up by taking a nap. It’s utterly different from the whirlwind of parenting youngsters, and from the ‘full sail stage’ of a maturing career. It seems that there’s something about the vista that time itself brings; I don’t think it’s only because my kids are past the clinging stage.
As a midwife, I’ve spent considerable amount of time with young parents to-be in their springtime season. Everyone expects to use ‘deep breathing’ to help with their labor. But then in this hopeful chapter, they often expect to birth their baby and mostly get back to their busy lives with a baby in tow. “But babies,” I tell them, “are not on iPhone time.” I teach them that we need to slow down for our babies, keep deep breathing, and take time to be with these fresh little humans. I’ve developed this perspective from being up close to the saga of new parenthood, and also from the grandparents who share the differences they see as well. Pretty consistently, the mothers who take the time to spend the first few weeks a little more quietly with their babies on their chests, especially with some “skin-to-skin” time, seem to ‘luck out’ more often with calm, bright-eyed babies who morecomfortably settle into life along side their families.
Perinatal psychology is also reinforcing this understanding.
It’s been discovered that when adults slow down to match their baby’s pacing…both the baby and parent synchronize more comfortably together. This pause creates space for growth and adaption.
What if we grown-ups also slowed down to synchronize with ourselves throughout our daily lives, however briefly or symbolically? I frankly chafed when older mentors used to suggest such things to my wildly busy young mother self, feeling secretly resentful that they did not understand that time just did not exist for me like that. Especially once the pace picked up after the last baby weaned, and there was no longer a pattern built-in to frequently sit down for a few moments each day.
But now, I too am learning more about the gifts of being open to a gentle pause in our days, acutely feeling the benefits of even a single intentional deep breath while moving through life. By creating a brief space, we can synchronize our breath to include our inner self, to hear our own dreams, or to connect more surely to our children, partner or community. As a midwife, I enjoyed stepping away from life’s business into the “time out of time” work of attending laboring mothers in birth. I also taught doulas and apprentice midwives to always pause before entering the space of a laboring mom - to take a deep breath and consciously set their own burdens aside, in order to show up as ‘cleanly’ as possible in a highly sensitive environment. But at the personal level, I’ve often found it challenging to surrender to the gifts of a quiet pause before being absolutely spent. There has always just been “too much to do”.
But then a gift from a wise friend brought an unexpected lesson on the gift of taking a pause.
She gave me a modern, clear silicon, hot water bottle. At first I did NOT understand it’s profound value, and only reluctantly used it after she called again to jolly me into giving it a try.
OH MY GOSH! I was shocked to discover the elegant sweetness of this simple tool. Just by filling it with hot water, a vista of TLC appeared. There’s little you can do with a hot water bottle except retire while cradling the comforting little pillow. You really can’t multi-task and wash dishes while holding a hot water bottle (ask me how I know!) The heat gently creeps across your body, from silicon to bones. There is nothing one can do to rush a hot water bottle. There is no dial to speed anything up.
However, there is something about a capable hot water bottle that encourages sighs of release. An unwinding. A melding. Hot water bottles are also not on iPhone time. They lay steadily on one’s chest, or quietly on a pain; they are the model of ‘being present.’ Their heat lasts, unbelievably, for hours. Sometimes you can even wake from your nap to a still-wonderfully-warm hot water bottle. And it also kindly calls you to come back again soon. I think my children might have benefited from holding a friendly water bottle on the couch after a rough day. Would yours?
It seems that the busier the world gets, the wilder our calendars get, and the more multi-tasking the gadgets get also. And yet, simultaneously, the power of a deep breath along the path also grows, as does the quiet spaciousness that stands tall within us when given a chance. I suggest applying our curiosity to our breath and our pauses as easy gifts on life’s path, not as another thing to do.
Babies and hot water bottles both are not on iPhone time. And neither is our spirit. Each deep breath is also a brief moment to open space to adapt and grow in real time. To feel our feet grounded on the floor. Breath in our lungs. Space within our hearts. I know we can do this even as our lives feel breathlessly busy. I suspect that including more of these micro-moments of space in our daily lives leads to even greater vistas along the way. Here’s to a lovely deep breath as you click your seat belt, wait for the kids in the bathroom, are on hold, or while you fold laundry. And here’s to a great date with your family’s trusty hot water bottle! (Even if it’s when you drop exhausted into bed. xo)
PS. Hot water bottle tip. I’ve found that they hold the heat much longer if refilled a second time once the silicon heats up after the first few minutes of being filled with hot water. If you don’t have a hot water bottle yet, my own beloved water bottle (seen above) is featured on the Indigo Forest Amazon affiliate page here.