What Are the Essential Skills for 10-Year-Olds?

Family Life

May 27

It’s no secret that it’s a crazy, challenging, full-time job raising our children to be capable, contributing adults. And in the rush of coping and surviving, it's super easy to feel overwhelmed in that critical middle ground where our children develop essential life skills . I’d call it the window between the delight of infants starting to walk, and the anxiety of teens starting to drive. Yet, it's during the stress of everyday life that these practical skills are cultivated and honed. As my own kids began launching into their adult lives in the last few years, it has become suddenly and starkly apparent that the base of any competency started years ago.

**I had some conversations with parents of 10-year-olds.**

*“What life skills are your kids working on? What do you think 10-year-olds should be able to do?”*
Their responses varied wildly, from “I don’t know if she can butter bread!” to “They sort and do their own laundry.”

One thing was apparent. Everyone agreed that it varied from kid to kid. And more skills were definitely expected from the kids in bigger families and in rural families. I heard things like, “We’re thinking about 12-years-old for milking a cow.” Skills tended to be grouped around running and feeding the household, maintenance, and social development. Experienced parents with the most kids seemed to be the most comfortable with the the idea that doing it “perfectly” was not to be expected, especially early on. Parents understood their children needed time and practice to learn to take care of themselves, to feel responsible for pulling their own weight, and to experience pride in meaningful contribution.

**Our children need to do important everyday work, and to learn from the natural consequence of their efforts.**

This might mean eating the burnt grilled cheese, or having to clean up the mess the pets made when garbage wasn’t taken out promptly.

What did parents think was too much? After brief consideration, they quickly agreed that expecting a 10-year-old to use a plunger in the toilet might be going too far. There was disagreement about whether kids of this age needed to be changing their own bedding. Nobody was satisfied with how the kids were cleaning the bathrooms, but all agreed they needed to be trying. Every once in a while, one of the adults would sigh, and say “…that one, I still don’t really know how to do that myself!”

A great deal of information can be transferred by our modeling, and those times we work and learn alongside our kiddos.

It’s in those times that we also help them develop patience and stamina, and develop time management proficiency. Sometimes the most benefits come from exploring what doesn’t work together, just as much as what does.

It’s common sense that developing life skills is not a one-time event, but an on-going building and teaching opportunity. My experience was that the relentless nature of on-going busy life made it hard to stay invested in the time-limited window in which we are working, or to prioritize choosing 'having them try’ over ‘making it quick.’ All the parents reflected on the great deal of work it takes on their part to make these chores happen, and also on how often the outcomes are annoyingly messy and need to be addressed!