When Midwives ‘Catch’ the Sillies

…A few years back, after exhausted giggling over the sharing of a long and crazy bunch of births, a longtime client-turned-friend goaded me into writing a tongue-in-cheek, Dr. Seuss take-off....And it’s ALL true!   (Except the ‘delivering’ part LOL!) Love Beth

I can deliver a baby this weekend outside,

I can deliver a baby last weekend inside.

I can deliver a baby when my kids are sick,

I can deliver a baby when Dads’ call, "Come QUICK!"

I can deliver a baby while the snow piles high,

I can deliver a baby hearing their Chaplin’s "Oh My!"

I can deliver a baby through poop, puke & pee,

I can deliver a baby when it's too dark to see!

I can deliver a baby when the sun sets low,

I can deliver a baby for moms named Jo!

I can deliver a baby for Christians, Mormons and Jews,

I can deliver a baby when out-goes-the-fuse!

I can deliver a baby with no sleep at all,

I can deliver a baby with eight pets lined up in the hall!

I can deliver a baby when my car doesn't run,

I can deliver a baby my taxes aren't done!

I can deliver a baby when my kids are on stage,

I can deliver a baby while their birds sing in their cage!

I can deliver a baby for a doctor and a judge,

I can deliver a baby while the kids make fudge!

I can deliver a baby with their seven-year-old in my lap,

I can deliver a baby with no water in the tap.

I can deliver a baby while the tsunami waves swirl,

I can deliver after seven boys, a girl!

I can deliver a baby whose mom pushed for 10 hours,

I can deliver a baby whose mom first had to finish the garden flowers!

I can deliver a baby on Halloween,

I can deliver a baby whose mom is sixteen.

I can deliver a baby on New Year’s Eve,

I can deliver a baby in the year I grieve.

I can deliver three bouncing babies in one short day,

I can deliver one precious baby in three long days.

I can deliver a baby right on the front lawn,

I can deliver a baby who’s waited just until dawn.

I can deliver a baby on bear rugs on the floor.

I can deliver a baby while the relatives snore!

I can deliver a baby in the dark of the car,

I can deliver a baby while the brothers’ spar.

I can deliver a baby whose bottom comes first,

I can deliver a baby whose water five-weeks-ago burst!

I can deliver babies seven, eight, nine & ten,

I can deliver babies grown on eggs from their hens.

I’ve delivered babies on my birthday and theirs,

I’ve delivered babies through their mother’s prayers and tears.

But as it’s been said, babies don’t hatch!

Mommies deliver babies,

And Midwives just ‘CATCH!’