Holistic Things to Do When Those We Love are Winding Down...
Heads up, this blog is about coping with death. Whoops, did I just lose half of you? I’ll be tender, not sappy; let’s chat.
Dying is a topic most people vigorously avoid, until they can’t. While Indigo Forest is clearly all about pregnancy & healthy children, “Healthy Births, Healthy Lives” (our by-line) is less obviously about supporting our friends wholesomely through the whole of their life events & transitions. We know that each family will eventually experience a full range of ‘life cycle’, and that at some point everyone, just like I have, will lose to death elderly relatives, dear parents, & hopefully ever-so-rarely, those still in the young bloom of life or a pregnancy filled with hope.
We’ve found that many natural modalities, such as essential oils & flower remedies, bring comfort & relief to the entire range of life experiences, including dying. And, as a midwife who's personally gone through a number of up-close family deaths, I can say, gently, that there is indeed healing & wholeness to being present in the dying, as well as in the birthing that's usually my focus.
I originally wrote this at 33,000 feet, flying home from holiday travels. Literally just as we were asked to turn off our phones for take-off, I retrieved a voice message from a dear friend. I was her midwife twice, and we became friends in countless ways as our families grew. The kind of friend that no matter how long it’s been, we pick up our connection like no time has passed at all. Her husband was in ICU, and dying. Would I come sit with her tonight? Not only was I traveling with my children until midnight, I’d missed the chance to return her call. I longed to comfort her.
Here are some of the resources I was able to bring to her the next day, and that I share when these calls come in. I hope they help you and your family the next time there someone’s life drawing to a close in your circle.
Who are the calm steady ones in your circle? Call those dear ones to hold you, in their hearts if not in person. Ask them to help line-up other support, or oversee child care, food and sharing information.
Is there time for Hospice Care?
These organizations and their staff are the best! There’s options of home care or facility support; sometimes it's the family that's first ready for hospice. In our case, I finally had to tell my reluctant mother that WE needed the support of Hospice, even if SHE didn't! She relented, and was amazed at their upbeat focus on comfortable living, and cherished the cohesive, thoughtful care.
(Photo: My mom’s 72nd birthday, hospice in our home.)
What natural modalities might be welcomed? Those unfamiliar with the breadth of naturopathic care may not realize how effective it can be. And in most cases, how safely and synergistically natural approaches may be combined with medical approaches. In the case of my mother in deep pain with bone cancer, her prognosis of a "few months" stretched to a very high quality two years by combining, in her case, wonderful palliative pharmaceutical pain relief along with the use of:
Homeopathy, which effectively reduced dangerously high blood pressure.
Herbs, which managed the constipation side effect of morphine w/o additional medications.
Hyperbaric chamber, which eliminated the 'common' extreme leg swelling associated with bone cancer.
Energy work such as reiki & cranial-sacral treatments, which reduced her restlessness & nausea.
Essential oils & flower remedies, which which calmed her system & symptoms, and soothed her fears.
The hospice medical team was fascinated, often praising the benefit of these approaches to symptoms for which they had few effective solutions.
Below are a few things that could support anyone going through the experience of death. ALL of these suggestions are safe to use along side medical care & meds, which they DO NOT affect; also, they do not 'push' in any way, only support & nurture. In our case, we gratefully used them liberally with the living as well as the dying!
THE most well-known calming flower remedy in cases of stress, loss, & grief. Flower remedies are highly-dilute liquid extracts used for emotional well-being, typically taken orally. Comes in many forms - sprays, drops and (my personal favorite) pastille lozenges. Add to water bottles or directly in the mouth, lovingly wipe a drop on a forehead, or spray in the room or on a pillow. When long-standing traumatic or generational grief is involved, Field of Flowers Remedy may be even more helpful.
Frankincense Essential Oil - Known as a 'Holy Oil' in the Middle East, it is said to increase spiritual awareness & bring emotional balance. It oxygenates the pineal & pituitary glands, and at the physical level is often used to help with immune function, high blood pressure, respiratory problems, jaundice, inflammation and more. It often brings calmness & easier breathing to both newborns coming in and those near the end. The quality of this oil matters very much, Nature's Sunshine (NSP) or Young Living (YLO) are two reliable sources for such critical uses; also your friend who loves essential oils will probably have a quality company they work with too.
Valor Essential Oil - A YLO blend (original, not the ‘II’ version) used to empower the physical & emotional bodies, help to overcome fear, build courage, and bring feelings of peace. This is another powerful tool for the whole family & life cycle. Call Indigo Forest if you can't find this, or consider Refuge (NSP), which might be misted in the room to calm both the senses and emotions of all involved.
Angel's Trumpet - A flower essence used to help ease profound transitions. This remedy is helpful in hospice work, wartime, natural disasters, and even with therapists who much guide others through deeply surrendering or 'rebirthing' processes.
"Books like "The Orphaned Adult " bring insight. Perhaps you may be interested in more information about Green Burials or After Death Home Care. I love the book, Final Gifts, and often share it with friends. Absolutely everything from hospice nurse and author, Barbara Karnes, is amazing (books, pamphlets, blogs).
May the life transitions of your loved ones
Come a long way down the road of a complete and satisfying life,
May you be gracefully uplifted and tenderly loved as you
Grieve, grow and continue in the large work of living fully.
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